Abandoning the World that Abandoned Me: One of My Trickiest Defense Mechanisms
Trigger Warning: It’s a triggery article about triggers. I’ve had some extremely abusive experiences and will be frank about what they were without being detailed about what the abuse itself entailed.
The last couple of weeks have been challenging for me when it comes to determining my emotional state. It’s sometimes hard for me to differentiate between something that’s fundamentally healthy vs. some quirk of my personality due to my cPTSD, and for the last couple of weeks this has been extremely noticeable. Sometimes just hearing the news can be enough to bring on something I wasn’t ready for.
With that in mind, for the last few days in particular I’ve avoided reading too much about the abortion debate. My opinions on abortion are decidedly inconvenient to many having the debate because my heroin-addicted sex-worker mother wanted to abort me, but my alcoholic, pedophilic, abusive father convinced her to have me (can you guess why he might have wanted a kid — it’s as dark as you think). Eventually, she would abandon me, and I would be raised by him and the mother that created him. That was an extremely difficult thing to survive, and I lost some things in doing so. While I am dedicated to learning how manage that trauma in my day-to-day life, it is not always an easy task. I never want…
